Out of nowhere

I just drove back from school and then got this urge to sit while parked in my car. I don't know...I felt like I was just led to do it. So, I sat and I thought. Out  of nowhere, I cry in confession for the longest 10 minutes I have ever encountered. I've never had such a strong release such as this except for the timing of my conversion. It was crazy. I don't know why I'm telling y'all this but I just am...I'm just following whatever I feel like I'm being led to do, which goes along with what I simply asked God in the end of my venting. I saw a little light shining in the parking lot and whispered a compilation of many well known phrases, "Be a lamp unto my feet; direct my paths. I'm lost without you." I have never actually felt the vulnerability of being led in this magnitude. Before I left school, I was with people and we were all around the piano. One of the songs we sang and played is the quite famous Hillsong song, "Oceans."

It's amazing, I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I haven't magically solved any of the number of things I brought up to God...but, I am slowly realizing how it feels to really be led without borders. Trust- it's the scariest thing to do, but also the most comforting.

-mula sa aking puso, Ginelle Bulanadi

Backsliding: to FALL or to CLIMB

Hey readers! Sorry I haven't been keeping up to date with my blog, but I've just been going through some personal and internal issues. I have not just backslid from regularly writing on here but also in my life, which is what this post is about.

I've been doing so well living "right," even misleading people to think that I'm this innocent little girl.

But I'm not.

I'm done with acting like the victim; acting like I don't know what I'm doing....because I do.

You may be surprised to discover that I do have my share of sins just like everyone else. I know I look "perfect" to some people and that's because I am held to a higher standard but I must take responsibility over some of the happenings of my life. Yes, life happens and temptations are bound to arise...but I should not act like I never had any desires. I am human, I have desires --- EVEN as a young, Christian woman, I have desires. But we act like this is some type of unspoken anomaly. We all have desires, but we have to be honest with ourselves with what they actually are and in what context they should be allowed to run free. 

I've made too many mistakes to count, but I know it will never be enough to separate me from the love of God. As Romans 8:35-39 states:

"35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

You're working hard, climbing, and everything's going smoothly...then, you slip.

YOU make the decision of what to do after that! There are 3 options: either you

fall-where everything goes downhill and gets worse

stay put- stuck, nothing changes, you mope around, which can lead you to falling down the more you beat yourself up

move forward-getting right back up but stronger

I choose to MOVE FORWARD. It's not about becoming numb or oblivious about what you have done. It's about acknowledging that things did happen and you left yourself unguarded, but you are NOT going to dwell in your guilt. You are UNCONDITIONALLY loved, meaning NOTHING can separate you from the love of God. Yes, there may be some consequences you must face but if you keep your head down for too long, how are you going to see His grace and mercy if you don't allow yourself to even look up for even one second?

Your mistakes DO NOT define you. All in all, God makes all things new and so, you no longer need to feel ashamed. If you are His, you are CLAIMED. When you are claimed, He will NEVER LET YOU GO.

Grab His hand and climb.

-mula sa aking puso, Ginelle Bulanadi 

Come All Who Are Thirsty

Today, I felt like exploring the concept of desire just a little bit. John Eldredge, a Christian lecturer and author, once said that, “This may come as a surprise to you: Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us into line or for reforming society…At its core, Christianity begins with an invitation to desire…Its message is FOR those who hunger and thirst-for those who desire life as it was meant to be.”

One passage from the Bible that really resounds on the topic of desire, this thirst we have, is of the woman at the well. Honestly, her story relates personally to mine. We should have all heard of the Samaritan woman who gave Jesus some water when he was tired. Jesus told her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (John 4:13-15)

This sounds just like the pleasures of the world. We keep longing for something to fill us up and we wrongfully fill ourselves up with things of this world which could never last or fully satisfy. Whether it be us chasing after a body image, chasing after the flesh, chasing “perfection”, chasing monetary success, even chasing an obsession of academic success…it’s all a chasing of the wind. These things can make us happy at certain points in our life, getting an A can make us happy but then we may start struggling in another subject. We may earn a great, big check...but then find out one of our family members is ill and we have to give most of our money away to help them out. We may feel a rush after bringing someone home and giving into sex but then find out we caught something or just feel lowly and guilty of ourselves. These forms of pleasure are FLEETING. In the end, these highs can either simply become stagnant or can unfortunately become valleys.

                We talk about how some of these girls or guys are so thirsty trying to rush into relationships or are trying to” get some”…but they’re just lost. They haven’t found the well of living water; they only know how to drink from the well of this world, of which can never quench their thirst. So, they just keep drinking and drinking every time they run empty. But we must drink from the cup that Jesus hands us. We must fill ourselves with the Holy Spirit. By abiding in His will, we start to want the same things He wants for us…things that can completely satisfy our every need. All those things are found in Him.

                As the passage continues, Jesus asked the woman to call her husband and come back. She said, “I have no husband.” Jesus then said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4:16-18)

                THE SHADE you guys haha. But for real, I can totally relate to her! She’s had multiple lovers - multiple people she has tried to fill her up…but she winded up only emptying herself. That’s what sin is. We think sin can make us feel good, we think sin can make us feel whole, we think sin is essentially good for us because it is “natural.” But sin can only TAKE AWAY. Sin is destructive.

                I urge you all, including myself, to stop thinking sin can satisfy. Sin, initially, is so appealing to the eye. But remember – that juicy, glistening apple is only rotten on the inside.

Thirsty? Drink from the most purified Spirit. Fill yourself up with the Holy Spirit.

You may not think much of it, but you DESIRE what is holy. You’ve just been looking in the wrong places. As my book Strong Women, Soft Hearts says, “Exploring the desire of our hearts is not a waste of time. It is precisely the place where God is stirring. It is the golden cord of our connection to God-and to each other.” 

Look at our deepest humanly wants - - - belonging and feeling wanted (being loved)

Ultimately, we desire to be connected to God and be connected with one another as a holy community. <<< To be loved by the Ultimate Lover and be around others who also love Him >>>

-mula sa aking puso, Ginelle Bulanadi

New Year's Resolution

I really thought about putting a list on here about things I want to change, but I realized I don't really need a resolution for this year. 2014 was full of mistakes and lessons learned. I want 2015 to be a year where I simply see more growth as I become the woman God intended me to be. He will continue to mold me and I surrender to His hand, no matter how painful it will be....because I know it will only strengthen my character. I hope to grow above the immaturity of my generation in the process and to "set my eyes on things above, not on earthly things" Colossians 3:2

-mula sa aking puso, Ginelle Bulanadi